Monday, June 20, 2011

"When Are YOU Having a Baby??"

Ah, the infamous question-- "when are you having a baby??" You know, I was telling someone the other day that the questions never stop. When you are single and hanging around someone of the opposite sex, people start asking, "when are you two going to hook up?" They bother you until you two actually do hook up. When you are officially boyfriend and girlfriend, they eventually start asking, "when are you two going to tie the knot?" Okay, so your relationship progresses and eventually your significant other pops the question, and guess what you're getting married! So, now that that's taken care of...After 1-2 months after your wedding, the newest and (to me) the most pesky question comes into play, "when are you having a baby??" Are you pregnant?"....And after you have your first child and still feeling the pains from the labor, people start asking, "when are you having a playmate for your baby?" And then eventually the cycle starts all over again with your children. LOL!


Recently, I've gotten a little more...hmmm, how should I say this...oh yeah, miffed is a good word to describe it when people ask because now they have gotten more aggressive. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind if you ask me once while we are spending time in 1 day...especially if we are friends (I know there are people who genuinely love me and want to see me with a baby), but when it's persistent, rude, aggressive, nosy and pesky---it has got to STOP.


I've put more thought to it and really going to ask God to help me not ask women who still haven't produced children because you know, there are many women out there who cannot conceive children and imagine people continously asking, "when are you having a baby? Why do you not like kids? Why are you depriving your husband of children??! (what what?)" That women (who cannot conceive) must feel in the pits while she is hiding with the truth. Little do these people know the real reason behind it all. People (I'm including myself), lets not be rude and pushy when it comes to sensitive questions such as these. Let's not accuse people of hating kids just because they either cannot or choose not to have a child at that moment. We just never know...


There are many reasons why women don't choose to have children at a very moment in time. Factors such as the following:
  • Couple wanting financial stability before having a child
  • Couple wanting spiritual stability before having a child
  • Couple wanting to stabilize their marriage/relationship 
  • Couple wanting to purchase a home before having a child
  • Couple wanting to secure a new job or get promoted before having a child
  • Couple have health problems they want to stabilize before having a child
  • Couple not able to conceive 
I'm sure there are many more reasons, but those are the top 7 I could think of. I know this post might sound angry, but again, if you know me, you know I'm very opinionated and just expressing myself. :)


In conclusion, let's remember Ecclesiastes 3::


Time for Everything
1There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.


Please don't fear if you ever want to ask me when am I having a baby (I'm not the grinch)...LOL! All I'm saying is let's be tactful. :-) That's all. God bless you and if you want to leave a comment, please do! I love me some good conversation and debate.


XoXo,


Nissy

10 comments:

  1. Well said. It does get very annoying to say the least.

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  2. Yup, yup, yup, as a newly wed, I feel you. :-)

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  3. Agreed! but I think the only one that is not under your control is the last one. A lot of times we cannot make sure that our lives are going to be perfectly in order to make that decision. Yes, many things are a step of faith. I don't think you can allow certain things to dictate when to make those choices. Oh and trust me when the kids come all that stability that you've been working super hard to obtain goes down the drain. The health problem now become stress related. But, don't have kids just to have kids. There are already many abandoned, neglected and abuse kids in this world that would benefit from adoption. I definitely get what you are saying. I must remind you though that stability, just as beauty, is in the eye of the beholder, and the only one thing that we can rely on is the fact that God is going to be with us every step of the way, granting wisdom and strength. Plus, when you do decide it's time to expand the family you both will be great parents!

    PS When ARE you having a baby? LOL Love you Nissy!

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  4. Good post! It might just be me, but Sarah and I haven't gotten asked that question too much recently...maybe as you spend more years married that will kick up. Who knows.

    -Nelson F

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  5. so hec and nissy... when are you gonna start popping out the kids? ;) LOL just kidding, you know i HAD to!
    in all seriousness, i totally agree... we should be sensitive to women about that. I know i also get asked ALL the time. usually by people that like having kids within 10 months of being married! lol. but, you're right, you never know if they're struggling to have them and that could really hurt a woman. :( thanks for your thoughts... they were very thought-provoking and i will also try to not run to ask woman that question as well.
    just one other comment... has someone REALLY said that you've deprived your husband of children?!??!?! THAT is INSANE. i would have said something back. lol
    :) toodles.

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  6. I ABSOLUTELY AGREE WITH YOU!!! This couldn't have come at a better time, and I STRONGLY agree that the people asking just never know what the real reasons are (infertility, financial stability, etc.).

    So, Nissy, when are you....???? (LOL!! JUST KIDDING!!!)

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  7. LOLOL! I love how half of you guys asked the same question!! ROFL! Linda, LOL! True...its only the beginning. You are just going to Javier, you are so right...even if we as individuals plan everything, there is a chance that everything can unravel, but I still think it's always best to plan ahead with God's help. :) Good points! Nelson, you're blessed to not be so pressured...enjoy it! During Hector + I's first days (and prior to our wedding), people were already hounding us about when we are bringing a little Hector or Nissy into the world and it haven't stopped since (5.5 years and going)! Lol. Syl, hahaha! In all seriousness, yep, we must be sensitive to women including not asking if they are preggers at the moment (that's a whole another post...lol). And yep to answer your question, I was told that as recent as this weekend. ;)Ivette, I feel you!! lol! Yep, we just never know the real reason behind it all...I know you can relate to this...and LOL at you asking me!!! Thanks to all of you for commenting and reading my long post. God bless you all and trust me, when Hec and I are "with child" we will let you all know! :D xox

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  8. hi anissa is Rocio pienso que es un ciclo de preguntas que nunca termina despues cuando se casan tus hijos cuando tienes nietosl. pienso que asi somos, es una manera de dialogar, aveces la gente no tiene mucho que decir o hablar y preguntan eso para tener una conversacion o encontrar algo que decir. pero esos comentarios rudos y como de enojo son inecesarios. lo bueno como dice la biblia que hay tiempo para todo. hay que pedirle sabiduria a Dios para que nos ayude a ser buenos administradores del tiempo para asi no equivocarnos. no le vayas a dar mucho tiempo al tiempo ji,ji. so cuando esperamos al little hec o a la little anissa (relajando) buen blog cuidate un abrazo

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  9. Anissa, I love this blog. I was married for over three years before we started having kids and that questions never stopped. When are you having kids and when I would say after I finish my CPA they would tell me well do not wait to long you are not getting any younger. What is it with people wanting to make you feel like you are doing something wrong. Now that I have kids, all boys, the other question that I dislike is are you going to keep trying for a girl or they will say I'm sorry that you do not have a girl, like if that was under my control or like there is something wrong with me or my husband that we do not have a girl. In my eyes all babies are a gift from God regarless of the gender and if God's plan for my family is that I should only have all boys then who am I or anyone else to question God's plan. There are many women like you have said that can not have babies so I feel blessed to be able to have my boys.

    Sally Garcia-Garrido

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  10. Love the blog nissy - I came to read the newest one but saw this one too (and had to read) I do try not to pry but I do wonder. As for me and my baby situation this is what I get
    1 - I do hope you don't plan on having another baby.
    2 - mira! ni loca creas tu q vas a tener otro muchachito!
    3 - have you put any thought into tying your tubes?

    love your post - love you and hector! and yes - there is a time for everything. xoxo

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