Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Make or Break You.

My wonderful (and rather large) wedding party on January 1st, 2006

We've all seen the Facebook graphic quote that states, "Welcome to Facebook, where relationships/marriages are perfect, your Facebook friends walk right by you in the street, etc." When I first saw a couple of my acquaintances post that on the social networks, I chuckled internally because I mean really, we are just watching everyone's "highlight reel." BUT we all have that one Facebook friend that vents all of their dirty relationship/marriage laundry. No one wants to see constant bickering on their social networks. Imagine if all of us (who are in relationships) would post each argument/frustration?

We'd see a lot of:

"Ugh, my man/woman does not spend quality time with me! All he/she does is play video games!" 

"My significant other forgot to pick the dog up AGAIN from the kennel, for the 4th time this month!" 

"My man/woman ignores me when they are with their group of friends. I cannot stand it."

"Geez, when will my husband/wife remember to start taking out the trash on Tuesdays? We've been living here for 5 years now, he/she should know the drill by now."  

"Seriously, when will my significant other learn to spend our money wisely and not eat out every day?" 

The truth of the matter is no one needs to see or hear that. Yes, I admit, sometimes I over share on my social networks, but that is one thing I do not share. I respect my husband, myself and others so I do not air any sort of stinky laundry. 

Many people have told me that they think my husband and I are a "perfect couple" and have a "perfect marriage." I always laugh when they say that because I cannot stand the word "perfect" when it comes to us humans. I only know of ONE perfect being and it's GOD. Aside from Him, not even the most holy and pious pastoral couple you know is perfect--nope, not even them. NO ONE is perfect. NO relationship/marriage is perfect. That is the bottom line. We all have flaws within ourselves and when two people come together those flaws sometimes come out and we bump heads. It's part of human nature. 

This coming January (2014), my husband and I will be celebrating our 8th wedding anniversary. No, we weren't 18 when we got married (haha), but we were young and inexperienced. To make a long story short, we almost did not make it passed our first two years of marriage. [Side note: I feel slightly uncomfortable as I type this out, but I know if this helps at least one couple out there, it was worth speaking about a part of my marriage that I never wish to relive (and with God's help, we never will)]. As I was saying, the "D" word was brought up plenty of times during those first two years because it was extremely tough. Only my closest friends and family know this about us and now all of you know, and I'm sharing it because in the past few years I have had many people vent to me about their marital strife within the first two years. The first few years of marriage are the most critical ones and they can either make you or break you. It is very common and almost to be expected to have bumps (obviously, there are always exceptions to the rule and if you're that exception, good for you)!  I just want all of you (married or single) to know that there is HOPE

Getting married and being married is amazing. You have to be in it to experience what I'm talking about. It's like living with your best friend and having dinner and sleepovers every single night! But within your first years of marriage there is also an adjustment period. Think about it, both of you were raised individually in distinct households with a different set of parents, rules, routines, customs, etc. And then you tie the knot and start living together and now you have two different rules, routines, customs, upbringings in one household. Of course there will be friction (at times)! It takes time, patience, love, and gentleness to get a hang of combining (giving and taking) rules, routines, customs, and upbringings. You now have your own home so there is a new family, a new culture and it simply takes time to adjust. Did you know that as the topic of matrimonial success and divorce is studied more and more, research shows that how a couple weathers their first two years together can make or break their marriage? 

What held my husband and I together was God--that, and the willingness to fight for our love no matter how painful it was. We prayed together, individually, with close family and friends, and had our loved ones' support (special shout out to those close family and friends who loved/supported us through it--we love you and thank you!).

We survived our first two years of marriage and still praise God for it today! I do not know where I'd be without that amazing man of mine (Hector, te amo con todo mi alma y corazon). We now look back and laugh about our foolishness and literally thank God in our prayers for taking us through the fire without any severe burns.

Our marriage is not perfect, but I can definitely tell you that we are way more in love now then we were 9+ years ago...Our love and marriage has gotten better and better with the years. It's an unbreakable bond that I cherish. 

Friend, if you are going through marriage "hell" right now (no matter if you're in your first few years of marriage or have already passed those years) please know that with God's help and with YOUR desire to have a long lasting, happy marriage, you WILL get through it! Place all of your marital woes in God's hands and He will work it out for you. Do NOT give up! Keep pressing through. 

Place you and your spouse in this Bible verse, "_______ and I can do ALL things through God who strengthens us." --Philippians 4:13 

May God be with and bless your marriage (future marriage), my friend.




  1. Thanks for sharing, Anissa! Keep it real girl! :-)

  2. May god continue blessing your beautiful marriage! God not only gave me a loving daughter but also a son! Love you both tons and tons! I promise to always pray for your holy matrimony. Oxoxoxxxooo